We're Going To Make It After All

This week was in one word...EXHAUSTING. It all started Tuesday when the sense of dread started to trickle in. I've known all summer long this moment was coming, but lived in blissful denial. All day I could feel the worry of sending Riley off to daycare eating at me and by night I was a complete basket case. My mind raced with thoughts of what if, what if, what if... It took 30 minutes on the phone with my mother to convince me that she would be okay and that I would have to stick with it. I still slept horribly and Riley did too as if she could sense my level of stress.

Wednesday morning came too quickly and I dragged my feet as much as I could trying to avoid that moment when I would have to hand her off to a technical stranger and trust that God led us in the right direction with the daycare that we chose. Let's just say I sobbed, Riley looked confused and Matt quickly spun me out of the door and whisked me into the car before I could throw a tantrum on the floor and refuse to leave her. The day went quickly, but every second my mind went to her consumed with wondering whether or not she was okay. Everyone assured me that it's only hard on me which I went along with to make the day easier on myself. At 2:30 on the dot I dragged Matt out of work to pick her up only to learn that Riley did have a bit of a anxiety and fear during the day.

I felt so guilty and I couldn't scoop her up fast enough to hug and squeeze and smother her in kisses all over her little face. And then as if God knew I was contemplating working nights to pay the bills so she'd never have to go back, Riley burst into the biggest series of giggles, laughs and shrieks of delight that we've ever seen. She carried on for minutes grabbing our faces and throwing her little head back. It was incredible and I felt that it was almost as if she was saying to us, "I knew you'd be back for me."

I'm happy to report that her next two days were easier and much happier for her as she became more familiar with her new surroundings and friends. She still shrieks and squeals as soon as we walk through the door and sees us and the rest of our day together is amazing because she seems just so content to have us that nothing else seems worth fussing over. It was definitely one of the harder things we've had to do since she was born, but I think we're going to make it after all.