COACH

"That confirms it...we're old!"

As if we don't have enough on our plates these days, a week ago I agreed to be the assistant coach for a local high school swim team. It's been two very interesting weeks and by interesting I mean eye opening. Not to date myself, but I realized today that it's been 10 YEARS since I graduated high school and to tell you the truth, not much has changed. They still listen to the same music, they still have their own language (did you know they don't say dis they say fry now???), and they still gossip about the same old stuff.

Here are the strangest things for me so far:
1. I am the shortest person on the team and I have to stand up on the bleachers so they can see and hear me. As a kindergarten teacher who towers over everyone I am just not used to that. AND I used to be one of the taller girls in high school - is it possible I am shrinking with old age???
2. It takes me 10 seconds to react when someone is yelling Coach at me because I still think I'm one of the athletes.
3. Instead of being in the pool groaning and mumbling under my breath about the sets, I'm doling them out and thinking to myself "suck it up you pansies".
4. Speedo came out with much cooler, much bigger and PINK practice bags.
5. They practice pretty darn late at night! 8:30-9:30 two of the nights a week! Even worse I'm so old that I'm exhausted and lamenting that 9:30 is past my bedtime and they are all wired and raring to go!

It has been fun to be involved in swimming again and a little nostalgic for me because my high school swimming days were pretty enjoyable. The kids are nice and entertaining. By entertaining I mean they say things like....

Boy Swimmer: Coach, are you ever going to get in and show us some drills, turns and stuff?
ME: (10 second delay until I realize I'm the coach) Umm that would be a no.
Boy Swimmer: Why not? Didn't you swim a long time?
ME: Yes, but I just had a baby...(and I'm in horrible shape, and gravity is working against me these days)
Boy Swimmer: So?
ME: You know what happens to women when they have babies right? It's just unflattering.
Boy Swimmer: OH.

Ahhh to be on the giving end of a life lesson for a group of teenage boys. Who knows I might suck it up (and by suck it up mean try and lose 20 pounds) before the end of the season and get in with them and show them what's up. Til then you can just call me Coach V.